I think that its time to get a little candid.

I come from a very low income family…as in I’ve experienced homelessness in the past. It’s not a pretty thing to have to go through at 13 years old. Always getting involved in the financial stress of my parents and having to learn how to fight depression for the sake of my little sister, who I essentially raised.

I began working at age 15 and have often been known to give my family large sums of money. Worse yet is that it continued when I moved away, and I was guilted into it. There isn’t much you can do when you’re told that this money will help feed your little sister or keep her off the streets. My parents…whole other story. My dad started his own business which is not the success he thinks it is, yet he refuses to go back to stable salary job. He’s also got some inexplicable ego going on, where you can only talk to him if you say what he wants to hear. He’s only gotten more intolerable over the years and loved to remind me that I’m still not as smart as he hoped I would be despite having an undergraduate education for now. He’s a dick My mother is full of love for her children but also very naive and gullible.

Yet I love them. My family is everything to me, despite my dad thinking that I don’t give a shit. I wish I could help make them more financially secure, but I also came to a realization the other day. I do have to move back in with them while I settle into my new job and my dad implied that I would expected to contribute. My mom just lost her job and so now I feel even more pressure. I want to help, but when am I going to start focusing on me? I have plans to move out of the country in a few years to pursue work, I need to save up for graduate school and I have outstanding student loans. Whereas I have given my parents about $8K in the last 7 years, I have never asked for a penny from my parents since 2012, and actually turn down the money they try to give me.

I just feel guilty for thinking about myself but at the same time, I don’t think that it is entirely selfish of me to do so. I mean I have to have a life too right? My life doesn’t stop in a few years but I have to set the foundation down now, for the rest of my life. I’ve always fought for everything I wanted and that doesn’t stop just because I’m moving back in. I just can’t stand the constant arguing if I do defy my dad in any way. Its not because I hate him, I am just looking out for myself because I know they can’t always do it.

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